Built Between Calls. Not in a Conference Room

Septic & Salty didn’t start with a pitch deck. It started between tones, in the bay, where “maybe we shouldn’t” turns into “do it anyway.” We were tired of flimsy, generic gear that felt like fundraiser leftovers. So we built our own—firefighter shirts with dark humor that lands, firefighter hats that look good off duty, and no corporate polish. If you speak fluent station sarcasm and think quality should outlast the joke, you’re in the right place.

Baptized in Station Coffee

The ideas lived on turnout gear and paper napkins. Sketches between calls, designs that made the crew nod, then laugh. If it doesn’t hold up to the wash—or the watchful eyes on C-shift—it doesn’t make it online.

“It’s not merch. It’s a uniform for off duty.”

What We Make (Besides Bad Life Choices)

We build firefighter apparel for real crews. Gear that lives through long weeks, rough laughs, and a few questionable decisions. If it’s sarcastic, gritty, and borderline inappropriate, odds are you’ll find it in this lineup.

  • Firefighter Shirts

    Dark-humor graphics, soft feel, and prints that don’t tap out. Everyday fit for lineup, errands, or riling up the probie.

  • Firefighter Hats

    Clean profiles with bold marks. Comfortable wear, tough build, and lids that quietly say the loud part.

  • Firefighter Stickers

    Tough vinyl, crisp cuts, and sarcasm that sticks to helmets, lockers, rigs, and laptops.

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If it’s sarcastic, gritty, and borderline inappropriate, odds are you’ll find it in this lineup.

Who We’re For (Besides the Questionably Sane)

The ones who run toward chaos and laugh about it later. The medics who turn gallows humor into oxygen. The officers who know morale matters more than posters. If the bay floor is your second language, this firefighter lifestyle brand was built for you. Our firefighter apparel—shirts, hats, and stickers—keeps the pride and sarcasm alive off duty. Not everyone will get it. That’s the point.

  • The Gloriously Unhinged

    The ones who can turn a dumpster fire call into a running joke before there’s a report number. Our firefighter shirts are built for you

  • The Emotionally Exhausted

    Coffee IVs, zero sleep, and a mental health plan that looks suspiciously like bench presses and silence. Our firefighter apparel gets it.

  • The Beautifully Broken

    You’ve seen too much, said too little, and somehow still found a way to laugh. Consider this the dress code of your people.

  • The Ones Who Still Show Up

    Burned out or not, you keep showing up anyway. Your off-duty uniform should work as hard as you do.

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This brand isn’t for everyone. It’s for firefighters, medics, and misfits who know dark humor isn’t a phase — it’s survival.

The Salty Truth

So yeah—grab a shirt, slap a sticker on your rig, throw on a hat that quietly screams yes, I’m the problem. This isn’t just firefighter apparel; it’s the off-duty uniform for anyone who thinks laughter beats complaining in the supply closet. We’re not polished. We’re not motivational. We’re Septic & Salty. If that feels like a bad idea… good. That means you get it.

Septic & Salty builds firefighter apparel and firehouse clothing by Fire/EMS for Fire/EMS. Think firefighter shirts, firefighter hats, and salty stickers that carry station pride without the corporate polish. This is the off-duty uniform—comfortable, tough, and exactly the kind of gear the crew actually wears.