• Rear view of The "Skid Mark 5000" Tactical Drawers — dark humor firefighter underwear featuring bold DTF print design by Septic & Salty Supply Co.
  • Front view of The "Skid Mark 5000" Tactical Drawers — stretchy boxer brief cut with Septic & Salty Supply Co. branding, firefighter gag apparel.
  • Close-up rear view of the Skid Mark 5000 tactical boxer briefs showing full graphic detail — firefighter humor underwear by Septic & Salty Supply Co.
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The "Skid Mark 5000" Tactical Drawers

The "Skid Mark 5000" Tactical Drawers

Firefighter/paramedic-owned • Usually ships in 4–8 business days • 10-day returns

Size
$30.00 USD
$30.00 USD
Sale Sold out
Shipping calculated at checkout.

Shipping & Returns

Orders usually ship within 4–8 business days. Tracking is emailed when your order ships. Unworn, unused items in their original condition may be returned within 10 days of delivery. Contact brennan@septicsaltyco.com before returning an item.

The "Skid Mark 5000" Tactical Drawers — Septic & Salty Supply Co.

You gambled on a fart at 3 AM and lost. It happens to the best of us. Introducing the "Skid Mark 5000" Tactical Drawers — the only underwear engineered specifically for high-risk sphincters and low-dignity situations. This isn't just a gag gift. It's a last line of defense against station chili, gas station burritos, and the kind of call that turns your insides into a war zone. Your crew may forget your heroism. They will never forget the other thing.

Who They're For

  • The medic who learned the hard way that not all farts are created equal.
  • The firefighter who ate the mystery meatloaf and immediately regretted it.
  • Anyone who has ever sized up a public restroom, weighed the odds, and said "I'll hold it."

The Specs

  • Fabric: 95% polyester, 5% spandex — stretchy, breathable, and crisis-resistant.
  • Print method: DTF (Direct to Film) — bonds directly to the fabric for vivid, flexible prints that hold up through repeated washing without fading or peeling.
  • Fit: Snug, supportive boxer brief cut. True to size.
  • Care: Machine wash cold. Tumble dry low. Inspect before wearing. You'll know why.

Sizing — Because Fit Matters More Than Ever Here

These run true to size. Measure your waist and match to the chart below. When in doubt, size up — this is not the garment to size down on.

  • XS: 26–28" waist
  • S: 28–30" waist
  • M: 30–32" waist
  • L: 32–34" waist
  • XL: 34–36" waist
  • 2XL: 36–38" waist
  • 3XL: 38–40" waist

Don't trust a fart. Trust the Skid Mark 5000. Add to cart.

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